Live in the Moment

Gwenn Rosseau December 20, 2019

I’m home. I woke up in a fog, the first morning home. I thought I saw palm trees outside my window. I didn’t know where I was. When I realized I was at home, I thought “What? Was it all a dream?”

Thinking about that moment of waking up, I realized that truly, all we have is the present moment. Right now. That is all that matters. The past really is like a dream - poof - it’s gone. Sure, it lives on in your body and soul, subtly changing your perspective, and hopefully granting some wisdom and knowledge. You can look back on the past with pleasure, or perhaps pain, but it’s as ephemeral as a dream. It no longer exists right now. You have to let it float on by. You can think about the future, make plans, hope for things to come, but this is also like a dream. You cannot exist in the thought of the future. It’s important to set a life’s course as best you can, and stay aligned with your inner compass, and that is done in the present moment, not by being consumed by dreams of the past or future. The important thing is to focus on right now. What can you do right now to live more fully in the present moment? To love yourself and others more deeply, to make your world a better place? Today, right now, is all you have. Make the best of it.

Images below are from my time in Bali.

Love Letter to Luang Prabang

Gwenn Rosseau December 1, 2019

I came back for a third time, because I was so bewitched by your beauty, grace and serenity. I couldn’t stay away. I am drawn to your long, lovely streets filled with beautiful architecture and peaceful temples, the little lanes overflowing with life. Orchids hanging from pots on almost every doorstep. The shimmering waters of the Nam Kahn and Mekong, holding the town in their arms. The glowing, iridescent light with the sunrise in the morning, and the sunset at evening. (I will forgive you the relentless mid-day sun, when I would have paid you to turn it down a few notches.) Thank you for the gentle days and nights, the opportunity to slow down and breathe it all in, to reset my mind and my heart. I’m sad to leave, but I must. I hope I’m leaving having made the town, especially the Traditional Arts and Ethnology Centre a little better than it was. The people who I have met here will forever be a part of me, and I am thankful for their hospitality and kindness, making me feel welcome and a part of the community for this short time. The experience here has been everything I had hoped for, and more. I am eternally grateful.

As the sun sets on my time in Luang Prabang, here are some night images I made. I’m always fascinated by the mystery of the night, a closed door, and the life contained therein.

Elephant Conservation Center

Gwenn Rosseau November 21, 2019

Wanting to get out of town and into nature for the weekend, and loving elephants, I spent two days at the Elephant Conservation Center. It is about a 2.5 hour drive south from Luang Prabang, in Sayaboury Province. I had a great time viewing and learning about the Asian elephants, and really enjoyed the other people who were participating. The setting was spectacular, on a lake, out in the jungle. The ECC is dedicated to the preservation of the Lao elephant population, both wild and those under human care. Their goal is to release a new herd into the wild every few years. This is a place where elephants can be elephants - guests may not touch or ride them. I highly recommend a visit, if you are ever in Laos!

PS - did you know only male Asian elephants have tusks? Both male and female African elephants do.

Age. It is just a number.

Gwenn Rosseau November 21, 2019

Laos has made me confront my age head on. According to Wikipedia, the median age of the Lao population is 23, one of the youngest in Asia. (The median age in the United States is 38). At work, there are only two people slightly older than me, and it seems that the majority of people are young enough to be my children. It forces me to think about my age, experience, and what it means. Expats appear to skew young - 20s and 30s, idealistic, starting out in life, eager to make a difference in the world. Then there are the older expat men who have taken up with young Asian women. I could write a blog post on that, but I’ll spare you. I have also met a few other expat, single women around my age, who are kind, interesting, fun people with great lives here. The tourists seem to fall into two groups - young backpackers in their 20s, and older, retired folks in their 60s and up. There is also a small contingent of tourists in their 30s, traveling with small (5 years and under) children. I can’t imagine traveling here with young children. Just no. Maybe I’m not as adventurous as I think. Or maybe I can imagine it - I’ve had small children and generally thought of “vacations” with them as taking the show on the road. It was fun, but also a lot of work, so we usually stayed close to home, and went with friends. I digress...

I sometimes feel like an oddity here - a 54 year old, single woman traveling alone. I am an oddity. I don’t generally feel old, in fact, I usually think of myself as being around 35. (HA!) I’m healthy, I’m curious about the world, I like adventure, I like to have fun and learn new things. But the fact is, I’m not that young. I may even be approaching “old”. But what does that mean? On the one hand, it’s just a number, a statistic. Certainly, I’ve had more life experiences than people in their 20s and 30s. It’s really enjoyable to be around people this age - to see their enthusiasm, to hear about their hopes, dreams, fears. When I was in my 20s and early 30s I thought people in their 50s and up were old. How foolish and young of me to think that. I like being my age. It’s a good time - my kids are beginning to forge their own paths, I have wisdom and experience to navigate life’s ups and downs, I know myself better, I’m far less fearful than I’ve ever been. I think age is an attitude towards life. It’s sometimes difficult to keep a good attitude after experiencing life’s traumas, tragedies, and ennui. No one gets through life without experiencing that. Maybe being old is giving up, letting innate curiosity die, stopping learning, retreating, letting the BS grind you down. The other factor that can make a person feel old is society and culture. The US is a youth focused culture. Women my age become invisible. Our social capital declines. I’m not going to let any of that bother me. I feel like a new life is beginning, although I’m wiser. I have no age.

Ordinary Life

Gwenn Rosseau November 13, 2019

I’m two months into this experience. Time has been flying by. I’ve implemented two new accounting systems at my volunteer job, I’ve taken many photographs for the organization and for myself. I feel good about it. I’ve been very productive, so far. I have more days now that feel like “normal life.” I get up, shower, make coffee. I put my hair in a ponytail and don’t wear makeup because it’s so hot here. I walk to work, I have lunch, I walk home. Work is very enjoyable - the people are so nice, the projects I’ve worked on are fulfilling, and it gives a nice structure to my day. Most of the time I just chill out in the evenings. I go out to dinner. I edit photos, listen to music, write, watch Netflix. I sit on my balcony and enjoy the view of the Nam Kahn River. I feel less of a need to run around and take photos, feeling like I might miss something. I feel like I’m settled in. Life has a rhythm and routine.

This feeling of being settled in also makes me miss Sim and Grace, and my friends at home even more. I’m really tired of eating dinner alone most of the time. A couple times a week I’ll meet up with someone for dinner, but most nights I’m on my own. I don’t cook because my kitchen consists of one little electric burner, a refrigerator, plus an electric kettle which I use to boil water for coffee in the morning. More than the kitchen situation, I don’t cook because food is just so cheap here. There’s a little cafe around the corner where I can get a great dinner for about $2.30. If I go to a nicer restaurant, I can get a delicious meal and two glasses of wine for about $15. Lunches cost about $2 for a large sandwich and a passion fruit/soda drink. I almost always have lunch with Frank, the other volunteer at work. He’s excellent company, and I’ll really miss him when I leave.

Since this is a small town, when I’m walking around I often run into people that I’ve met before, and I’ll stop to chat. I often see the manager of the building where I live, and the other people who work here, and it’s always a pleasure to talk to them. I look for these opportunities to connect with other people. Because of the 12 hour time difference, early mornings and dinner time are my opportunity to text or talk to my kids and friends who are available.

So while I’m feeling settled in, I also feel my time is winding down here in Luang Prabang. I went to the Elephant Conservation Center (ECC), about 2.5 hours away this past weekend, because I wanted to get out into nature, plus I didn’t want to spend the weekend here, alone, in LP. The group of people I ended up with at the ECC were friendly, fun people. I have a few more places I’ll visit before I come home, plus an old friend is coming to visit in a couple weeks. I’m looking forward to the last month of this trip, it’ll push me once again into the unfamiliar.

These iPhone photos are scenes from my gentle daily life - my home, things I see on my walks to and from work, places I have lunch, things I eat.